Nine Ways to Get Better at Small Talk
Almost everything, friendships, relationships, and even careers, often begin with small talk. Although it usually has a reputation for being shallow or meaningless, having brief, light conversations actually bring many benefits. From boosting your mood, improving relationships, to safer flights, small talk is incredibly valuable. Small talk is essential on the flight deck. In this confined space with a fellow pilot, small talk helps break the ice, ease tension, and build good working relationships, which supports smooth communication throughout the flight. Knowing how to kick off a casual conversation, keep it flowing, and wrap it up smoothly are fundamental skills. The good news is that anyone can learn these skills. Following are insight and tips on how to help boost your social skills with small talk.
Small Talk About Nothing
The Oxford English Dictionary defines small talk as “polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions.” In short, small talk usually covers casual, safe topics that avoid controversy or deeply personal issues. It can be as brief as a comment on the weather or a more extended conversation that helps people open up gradually.
Research shows that it is often not what you say that matters, but that you say something. It is helpful to keep this in mind if you feel awkward, as most people do, starting conversations, and wonder what you should talk about. You can’t just say meaningless words, can you? Actually, you can, and it works pretty well. Words are like a thread that connects you to others, and it does not really matter which words you use. This way, you can satisfy basic and deeply human needs for connection, involvement, and trust, even with a seemingly trivial chat.
The Purpose of Small Talk in the Flight Deck
Small talk helps people get a quick sense of the situation and connect with others. Crew Resource Management relies heavily on effective communication, trust, and teamwork between aviation professionals. Small talk plays a surprisingly important role in that. When you engage in casual, friendly conversation, you are building rapport and mutual understanding. This connection makes it easier to share information openly, voice concerns, and work collaboratively during critical moments.
Small talk also helps reduce stress and break down social barriers. When the atmosphere is relaxed and positive, pilots are more likely to pay attention, think clearly, and support each other. This improves decision-making and problem-solving, which are keys to safe and efficient flight operations.
Why Small Talk Makes People Happier
If you are still unsure about the value of small talk, let’s take a look at some of the research highlighting its positive impact on our overall happiness and well-being:
Small talk improves our view of people. Research found that talking to strangers usually leads to positive impressions; most people are kind and approachable, even if we worry about rejection beforehand. Breaking that social barrier makes us feel better about others and ourselves.
Small talk helps strengthen relationships (at work and beyond). A quick chat by the coffee machine may seem trivial, but it matters a lot. Studies from the University of Exeter and the University of Arizona found that people who work in an office feel more connected than those working from home. Small talk contributes to a positive atmosphere and makes people more likely to help each other out.
While deep conversations create authentic connection and satisfaction, small talk plays a key role as a warm-up. In psychology, it is often compared to the inactive ingredients in a medicine that help your body absorb the active ingredients. You cannot jump into a deep conversation without some lighter chat first.
Small talk requires minimal effort. Even a wave, smile, or brief eye contact can boost your mood. Research showed that people who smiled or greeted a barista felt happier afterward and more at home in the coffee shop. Those who interacted less did not feel these benefits.
Small talk keeps your brain active and healthy. Brief conversations activate parts of the brain that reading or watching TV do not. Brain scans show that when two people chat, their brainwaves synchronize, so being “on the same wavelength” is real.
Tips to Become a Small Talk Expert
Let’s clarify: you do not have to be sincerely interested in every topic someone brings up during small talk. What matters is showing that you are engaged and open to communication. Listening politely and responding helps build trust and rapport, even if the subject is not personally exciting. One way to enjoy conversations more is to look for something positive or relatable in the topic, even if it is small. Smiling genuinely, maintaining eye contact, and using encouraging body language can help you feel more connected and make the interaction more pleasant.
1. What If Someone Is Not Interested?
If someone does not seem interested in talking, it is essential not to force the conversation. There are usually clear signs that the other person is not engaged:
You may receive short, closed responses.
The person avoids eye contact or does not look at you.
They start or continue doing something else while you are speaking.
If the conversation feels like it is going nowhere, or there is no genuine interest from the other person, it is perfectly fine to end it and move on:
Politely excuse yourself with phrases like:
“Excuse me, I have to go…”
“It was nice talking to you, but I have to…”
“Alright, see you around.”
If a conversation does not flow or ends abruptly:
Let it go without overthinking it.
Do not take it personally.
There are many reasons—often beyond your control—why a conversation might not work out.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions invite the other person to share more than just a yes or no response, making the conversation richer and more engaging. They usually start with words like where, when, which, what, why, or how, which naturally encourage detailed responses.
“Where did you grow up?”
“How did you get interested in that hobby?”
“Where do you usually like to fly?”
“When did you first become interested in aviation?”
“Tell me about your most memorable flight.”
3. Topics
Having a few go-to small-talk topics can make conversations feel much more natural and less stressful. Classic and reliable subjects include work, hobbies, weather, music, food, and local events (avoiding more controversial topics like politics or religion). Staying up to date on everyday interests like trending shows, aviation news, pets, or travel can give you something easy and relatable to bring up. A helpful rule of thumb is the FORD method: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams; these areas tend to be safe and engaging.
It is also important to maintain a balance between asking questions and sharing something of your own to avoid coming across as prying. Questions like “What’s been keeping you busy lately?” or “How did you get into [insert job title]?” are easy ways to get a conversation going. When you have a topic you are familiar with, it not only boosts your confidence but also opens the door to more meaningful and enjoyable connections.
4. Ask for Clarification
People generally enjoy sharing what they know, and asking questions shows you are interested and engaged. For example:
“Can you tell me more about that?”
“How does that work exactly?”
If you want to keep it casual, try something like, “I’m not too familiar with that. What is it all about?”
“That sounds interesting, could you explain it a bit?”
These kinds of questions invite the other person to share details without putting them on the spot and helping the conversation flow naturally.
5. Give Your Full Attention
People love to talk about themselves, so listen more and talk less. Show you are genuinely interested by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding thoughtfully. Avoid distractions like checking your phone or looking around, as these can make the other person feel uncomfortable. Active listening makes the conversation more enjoyable for both and also helps you pick up on details to build a stronger connection.
6. Build On Shared Stories
When someone opens up with a story or experience, listen actively and respond with related thoughts, questions, or even your own similar experiences. This shows genuine interest and keeps the conversation flowing naturally. By expanding on their stories, you create a sense of shared understanding and rapport, making the interaction more meaningful and memorable.
7. Be Honest
If you are not in the mood for small talk, it is okay to say so, politely and with a touch of humor. That kind of honesty often breaks the ice better than forcing a conversation. Most people will appreciate the clarity and respect the space.
For example: “I am keeping things a bit quiet today, I just need a little space to focus. Nothing personal at all.”
8. Silences Are Ok
Silences are normal; they are a natural part of any conversation. When things go quiet, introduce a new topic or ask a fresh question to keep the flow going. In social settings, if you need a graceful way to step away, you can excuse yourself by saying you are going to the restroom, grabbing food/drinks, or checking in with someone else. Taking a short break can help you recharge and come back to the conversation with renewed energy and fresh perspectives.
9. End Personably
Finish with a polite goodbye that leaves a positive impression. For example, say, “It was great meeting you [insert name], good luck with your marathon,” or “I really enjoyed our chat, hope the rest of your day goes well!” Adding a personal touch shows you were genuinely engaged and helps build lasting rapport.
Questions to Make Conversations More Interesting
Want to add more depth to your conversations? Here are some questions that can make small talk more engaging and meaningful:
Work
If you were not doing this job, what would you be doing?
What is the weirdest thing a boss ever asked you to do?
What is the best career advice you ever got?
Entertainment
Are you reading any good books or watching any good shows?
What is the last movie that really moved you?
If you could travel the world with anyone, who would it be?
Food
If you could only eat one thing forever, what would it be?
What is the strangest food you have tried?
Do you know any hidden gem restaurants in [insert city]?
Travel
What, in your opinion, is the best way to spend a day at [insert location]?
What is your favorite road trip you have ever done?
Where would you travel if money did not matter?
Life Stories
What did you want to be as a kid?
Do you have any surprising talents?
What is the best advice you have ever received?
Final Thoughts
Small talk might seem trivial, but in aviation and life in general, it plays a bigger role than you would think. When pilots share casual conversation, it helps build trust and sets the tone for clear, open communication, which is essential in the flight deck. A relaxed, friendly atmosphere makes it easier to speak up, share information, and work smoothly together, leading to better decisions and safer flights. The same idea applies outside the cockpit, too. Small talk helps bridge gaps. Remember: you share the same place and time, so you already have something in common. The more you practice, the easier and more enjoyable it becomes. Those small conversations can make your life a lot happier. So why not give it a try? Every short chat could be the start of something great.
Do you find yourself avoiding small talk or feeling awkward in everyday social situations? The good news is that it is a skill you can improve with the right support. At Emerald Mental Health, we offer support to help you build confidence in your communication, strengthen your social connections, and feel more at ease in both personal and professional interactions. Reach out to reini@emeraldmentalhealth.com or www.emeraldmentalhealth.com.
Resources
Elkins, K. (2015, March 20). Science says chatting with your barista will make you happier. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com/science-says-chatting-with-your-barista-will-make-you-happier-2015-3
Epley, N. (2019, July 9). Nicholas Epley partners with BBC to replicate groundbreaking study. Chicago Booth. https://www.chicagobooth.edu/research/roman/stories/nicholas-epley-partners-with-bbc-to-replicate-groundbreaking-study
Mehl, M., Milek, A., Butler, E., Tackman, A., Kaplan, D., & Sbarra, D. (2018, July 9). Study: Small talk not as bad as previously thought. University of Arizona News. https://news.arizona.edu/news/study-small-talk-not-bad-previously-thought
Methot, J. R., Rosado‑Solomon, E. H., Downes, P. E., & Gabriel, A. S. (2020). Office chit‑chat as a social ritual: The uplifting yet distracting effects of daily small talk at work. Academy of Management Journal, 64(5), 1445–1471. https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2018.1474
