5 Insights About the Female Libido
Persistent misconceptions still shape how we view women’s sexuality: that women have fewer sexual partners than men, think about sex less often, and rarely pursue casual encounters. However, various research over the yeast has challenged these notions. Here are five surprising insights into the female libido.
Women Do Want Sex
Nearly a century ago, during a visit to a government-run poultry farm nearly a century ago, President Calvin Coolidge and his wife toured a government-run poultry farm separately. While observing the chickens, Mrs. Coolidge commented on how frequently the rooster seemed to mate and asked a farm worker about it. She was told that the rooster engaged in mating dozens of times a day. Amused, she suggested the worker share that detail with the President.
Later, when President Coolidge heard the remark, he asked whether the rooster always mated with the same hen. Upon learning that the rooster preferred variety, he suggested that this bit of information be passed along to his wife.
This anecdote is often used by evolutionary psychologists to suggest men have a stronger sexual drive, a phenomenon known as the Coolidge effect, and are more inclined toward one-night stands. In short, the story implies men have a more robust sex drive than women.
These supposed sex differences are commonly explained by the parental investment theory: women invest significant time and energy in offspring, while men in theory can father many children with minimal investment.
In short, evolutionarily speaking, men broaden their mating opportunities, while women are thought to be sexually selective and conservative is the overall conclusion.
Is that true?
There is a growing amount of psychological research that questions everything we thought we knew about women and sex:
Insight 1: Women May Become More Disinterested in Their Partner
The Coolidge effect suggests male animals get bored of the same partner and crave novelty, but this is not mirrored in women. Research by German psychologist Diederik Klusmann, found that sexual desire in long-term female relationships declines significantly faster than in men’s. While both men and women reported decreased sexual activity and satisfaction as relationships progressed, only women showed a marked drop in desire.
For women in a relationship longer than three years, only 26% reported wanting sex “often,” compared to 65% at the relationship’s start. Among men, about three-quarters consistently desired sex regularly, regardless of how long they'd been together.
Klusmann suggests, drawing on evolutionary psychology, that men may sustain sexual activity to prevent a partner from conceiving with other men and thus avoid misdirected investment. In turn, women might initially use sex to secure investment and then withdraw interest, possibly keeping other options open for genetic selection.
Another study adds nuance: both men and women become less aroused when shown the same erotic images repeatedly, debunking the Coolidge effect’s assumption that only men experience sexual boredom. In both sexes, arousal returned when new stimuli were introduced.
Insight 2: Women Have Just As Many Bed Partners as Men
When exploring people’s sexual histories, women tend to report relatively modest numbers of past partners, often hesitating or downplaying their experiences. In contrast, many men responded with noticeably higher figures, sometimes even bragging about having had dozens or more. For years, this pattern appeared to align with broader research findings, suggesting that men both desired and claimed to have had more sexual partners than women, reinforcing persistent gender stereotypes around sexuality.
However, psychologists Michele Alexander and Terri Fisher designed a clever study to test this. Heterosexual students were asked about their sexual partners, but some were led to believe a peer would see their answers (raising social desirability bias). In that group, men reported more partners (women: average 2.6; men: 3.7).
In another group, participants were told they were connected to a lie detector. Unexpectedly, women reported slightly more partners (4.4) than men (4.0).
Fisher’s later studies confirmed: when honesty is prioritized, the difference in partner count between men and women disappears.
Insight 3: Women Are More Open to One‑Night Stands than We Thought
In the iconic Clark and Hatfield (1989) experiment, strangers approached students and said, “I find you very attractive. Would you go to bed with me tonight?” Nearly 70% of men said yes, none of the women agreed. Men who declined offered excuses like, “Maybe tomorrow,” or “I am married.”
Subsequent research by Terri Conley revealed a different picture. Women found the situation less safe and anticipated less pleasure from sex with a stranger. But when scenarios were made safer (e.g., imagining attractive celebrities like Johnny Depp asking) the difference disappeared. Women expressed the same openness as men.
Conley concluded: men may generally be more open to casual sex, but when women feel safe, desire competent partners, and fear no judgment, gender differences fade.
Insight 4: Women’s Selectiveness Is Socially Conditioned
Speed-dating studies show women often indicate interest in fewer partners than men, reinforcing the “choosy woman” stereotype. Psychologists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick flipped this. When women actively approached rotating male partners, the gender gap disappeared. Women actually selected slightly more men than men selected women, suggesting that being passive allows cultural expectations to dictate selectiveness, while taking initiative changes the dynamic.
Researchers including Conley argue that this selectiveness is not innate, it is socially learned.
Insight 5: Thinking Less About Sex Doesn’t Mean Lower Libido
The notion that men think about sex every seven seconds is well-known, but is it accurate?
In Terri Fisher’s study, students used tally counters for a week to track thoughts about sex, food, and sleep. Men did report more thoughts overall, but not just about sex: they also thought more about food and sleep. The sex difference in sexual thoughts was smaller than expected, and factors like comfort with sexuality and concern for social approval were stronger predictors than gender itself.
Bonus Insight: Women May Show More Long-Term Variability in Sexual Desire
A comprehensive study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that over periods of years, women’s sexual desire fluctuated more than men’s. But when measured day-to-day, short-term variability was similar in both sexes, and both responded similarly to emotional states like happiness or loneliness, with a few exceptions (e.g., tiredness impacted women more).
Conclusion
These insights challenge entrenched myths about the female libido:
Women’s desire does change, and often more than men’s, especially over time.
When honesty is encouraged, women report as many sexual partners as men.
Women can be just as open to casual encounters when conditions feel safe and no judgment is expected.
Their selectiveness is shaped by cultural norms, not biology.
Thinking less about sex does not mean having a weaker libido.
Emotional and situational factors influence desire similarly in both genders, even if patterns differ over time.
Together, these findings remind us: the female libido is complex, adaptable, and far less subdued than we have been led to believe.
References
Alexander, M. G., & Fisher, T. D. (2003). Truth and consequences: Using the bogus pipeline to examine sex differences in self-reported sexuality. Journal of Sex Research, 40(1), 27–36. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490309552164 ResearchGatePMCPubMed
Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., Ziegler, A., & Valentine, B. A. (2011). Women, men, and the bedroom: Methodological and conceptual insights that narrow, reframe, and eliminate gender differences in sexuality. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 20(5), 296–300. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721411418467 Wikipedia
Fisher, T. D. (2011). Sex on the brain?: An examination of frequency of sexual cognitions as a function of gender, erotophilia, and social desirability. Journal of Sex Research. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2011.565429 ResearchGate
Fisher, T. (2011). Men think about sex, just not non‑stop. ABC News. Retrieved from [ABC News online] ABC NewsUPIFox News
Harris, E. A., Hornsey, M. J., Hofmann, W., Jern, P., Murphy, S. C., Hedenborg, F., & Barlow, F. K. (2023). Does sexual desire fluctuate more among women than men? Archives of Sexual Behavior. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-022-02525-y
Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? The Journal of Sex Research, 52(1), 1-14. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2013.841829.
King, B. M. (2022). The influence of social desirability on sexual behavior surveys: A review. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(3), 1495–1501. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02197-0 PMC
